"Professional Relationship Expertise, Can You Hold?"

So apparently because of my ability stay in a sane relationship for almost 5 years, I've been deemed a "professional relationship guide." I'd like to know what drugs people are taking.

This is the week of all weeks. I've had not one, but two friends ask me varying questions in their buddening relationships, desiring advice and wisdom in the swampland of dating. (I personally hate dating. It requires a lot of energy. I'm kinda getting too old for that. Luckily I came across someone early and got that outta the way. We're comfortable, like your favorite pair of sneakers. But we don't smell. Well, I mean, after Mexican he might smell. But not me. Girls don't do that, lol).

Anyways, I've stayed up beyond my normal bedtime to assist in the coaching of text message vocabulary, timeline establishing, and overall b.s. that is required when trying to feel out the other side of "he likes me, he likes me not...".

I'd like to say a.) I think you guys are nuts, lol, b.) I really should be drinking more in this job, and c.) keep me posted because I'm militarily single and live vicariously through others.

So hopefully two relationships will be formed. Hopefully neither babies nor wedding plans will be made within the first couple weeks. I mean people should really hold off that for like a month. Let them get to know you before you jump into, "Hey let's get married so we can invite Ashley and she can awkwardly come alone 'cuz wook's gone." Cuz I will hate you. And spit in your gift. :)

ps. I miss my other half of the stinky sneaker. Almost 2 months left. Yay!